Life Goes On, Even When No One Gives a Shit

Surely, you all have forgotten about me. Worse yet, you think I have forgotten you. Or even worse, you think I couldn’t handle the commitment of a blog and I simply gave up. I assure you this 4 month hiatus has resulted in none of the above. I intend to fulfill the promises I keep making to the Nectar Madness Facebook page, and spit out some new posts. I could sit here and give you a list of what I’ve been up to and why I haven’t been writing, but that’s damn boring. So instead let’s pick it up where we left off. God knows my head is spinning something crazy and I have plenty to jabber on about. Plus, this new WP layout looks like an interesting new toy.

Thanks for reading. Oh & Happy New Year!
-NM

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For Shits and Giggles, I Now Have a Tumblr

Because two WordPress blogs weren’t enough. Because a Facebook blog page, a personal Facebook, an Instagram, Pinterest, and two Twitter accounts simply weren’t enough. You can now find my crazy self on Tumblr as The Bipolar Lesbian.

My purpose for creating this mini blog is pure simplicity, all the while combining two parts of myself- my sexual orientation and my mental illness. I plan to showcase media such as photos, gifs, videos, and music. I also want to make this a designated space for my poetry, which I will be pouring more of myself into here in the future.

Tumblr has been around for a little while now, but is growing at an increasingly fast rate. If you have a Tumblr account, or are interested, I recommend checking out my baby blog. I want to have fun with it and with an audience, I can deliver just that!

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Very Inspiring Blogger Award

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Kitt O’Malley, author of Life with Bipolar Disorder and Thoughts about God, has ever so graciously nominated me for a Very Inspiring Blogger Award. This is an absolutely pleasant surprise, and a huge honor. Kitt’s writing is not only creative, but it is informational, spiritual, personable, and relatable. I thank Kitt O’Malley for recognizing my work, and I take this award nomination as a sincere compliment.

 

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The guidelines in accepting this award include:

  • Thank and link the amazing person who nominated you.
  • List the rules and display the award.
  • Share seven facts about yourself.
  • Nominate other amazing blogs and comment on their posts to let them know they have been nominated.
  • Optional: Proudly display the award logo on your blog and follow the blogger who nominated you.

Once again, I say thank you to Kitt O’Malley for keeping me in mind when nominating bloggers. It means a lot.

 

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  1. My passion is writing. I am obsessed with the written word and love to create anything literary.
  2. I have a tendency to change my hair color quite frequently, along with the length & style.
  3. I am a lesbian. I am married to an incredible woman who is the love of my life. We are lgbtq advocates.
  4. I am a mother to a precious baby boy. He has given me a new perspective on life.
  5. I administer another blog, Dyke Fruit, which revolves around my life and views living as a lesbian in today’s world. (Check it out!)
  6. I am educated, with two college degrees. My BA is in Human Services, with a focus on mental health. I plan to go back to school for my Master’s.
  7. Things I love include photography, obsessing over music (specifically Tegan and Sara), hot summer days, iced coffee, and my dog and three cats.

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Here is a list of bloggers I nominate for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award. (Some of you may have already been nominated by someone else, but that just means you’re extra awesome!)

 

 

So Fresh and So Clean!

You may have noticed that Nectar Madness looks a little differently these days. I decided after hitting the one year mark, it was time to show my blog a little TLC with a mini makeover. A new domain, a new theme, and a new sense of commitment. I know better than to make promises of grandeur, so without seeming overly ambitious, I will say that my intentions are to provide more informational posts regarding bipolar disorder and mental health. I’m also interested in exploring more networking and social media avenues. Of course I will continue with my personal stories and poetry as well. My hopes are that this will inspire and educate readers, and be an open door to new readers of the like.

I’m curious as to what bipolar topics readers are interested in. Thoughts?

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Nothing But A Vision, A Poem

If I could re-dream a dream, it would be the one where she asked me about my attractiveness.
And that sensation in the pit of my gut when she balked at my modest “I’m average, I guess”.
For she continued to adore in an awe-struck manner, eloquently, dominantly, decidedly.
She brought out the sheepish in me, complimented by none other than shock and brutal flattery.
She isn’t real. None of it was real. It was nothing but a vision, a stroke of my imagination.
 
How often can I dream?
Every day or every night?
What all does it mean?
Is it false or is it right?
 
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If I could re-direct my direction, I would have never been in the position to spend the night.
And that blow to the hollow of my gut when she cried at my frantic “I’m sorry, I swear”.
For the scene continued in a tension-filled manner heartbreakingly, desperately, recklessly.
She brought out the remorse in me, complimented by none other than shame and tender injury.
She isn’t real. None of it was real. It was nothing but a vision, a stroke of my imagination.
 
How often do I scream?
Every day or every night?
What all does it mean?
Is it false or is it right?
 
If I could re-emerge an existence, it would be fluid and the inventor of charismatic overdrive.
And that warmth that rushes my gut when she notices my assertive, “I’m happy, I’m me”.
For I endorsed a promise in me, to re-birth in a manner so gracefully, graciously, remarkably.
She brought out the risk in me, complimented by none other than force and sincere approval.
She isn’t real. None of it was real. It was nothing but a vision, a stroke of my imagination.
 
How often does it seem?
Every day or every night?
What all does it mean?
It can’t be false if it seems right.

Happy Anniversary to Nectar Madness!

Today is the one year anniversary of this blog. In lieu of this little milestone, I’d like to reflect on what the world of writing and what creating this blog mean to me.  But for starters I’d like to thank everyone who follows me & relishes in my mental spew. You inspire me and I couldn’t have gotten this far without you!

I first put a pen to paper when I was only a couple of years old. I would draw, make my letters, and allow my imagination to take me where children ought to go. Soon I would be making up stories for my mother to record, and by age seven, I had written my first poem. I always loved reading, word games, and anything to do with literature. By the 4th grade I had joined the Young Authors club at my elementary school, and in high school my favorite class was Creative Writing, which I also took in college, in between various composition, poetry, and lit courses. I originally majored in English when I started at the community college, but that path was soon re-routed. I had to drop out of my second semester of college due to a stay at a psychiatric hospital for my bipolar disorder. At this time I had just recently been diagnosed, and hadn’t had any serious episodes – until what seemed like a manic crash, resulting in suicidal behavior. Leading up to this point, I was an avid poet, writing about my feelings and trying to make sense of the chaos in my head. Many of my poems and essays were dark and seemingly psychotic. Once I was in the hospital, I was pleased to be able to keep my journal by my side, for I had a whole new arena to explore and creatively make sense of. The following months proved to be challenging, for I was hospitalized a couple of more times, and was really struggling with getting a solid hold on the whole bipolar thing. My writing was my release, and helped to clear my mind. About a year after I was released, I returned to college. This time I came back as a Psychology major. I was taking the whole mental health thing to a new level, having experience on the ‘patient’ side, I wanted to be on the ‘professional’ side as well. My passion is still the written word. I just apply it in personal ways.

Now that you know a little about my background in writing, what you need to know is that I tend to this blog to help me grow as a person. This blog allows me to channel my bipolar disorder into a cozy place equipped with avenues of understanding and an army of like-minds. I hope that what I write can be interpreted by whoever cares enough to take a gander, and that maybe something will ring a tiny bell and resonate with that reader. I enjoy sharing my personal sagas in a safe environment, and I’m not ashamed to say that it is therapeutic at the same time. On occasion, educational blog posts are important because there is no such thing as too much advocacy. And of course I take advantage of the opportunity to share my poetry as well. I hope to continue to improve upon this blog, and let it be a sanctuary for even more readers.

Thanks for stopping by and CHEERS to another great year!

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When Boredom Makes You Lose It

Blasé, bored, mundane. 
Everyday the same.
 
I think I’ll go insane.
But just myself to blame.
 
Sugar dripping in the rain.
Porcelain robot I became.
 
Stimulate a thirsty brain.
Force fed back into the game.
 
Trading glitter for cocaine.
Imagination taking aim.
 
Disenchanted I sustain.
Listless hours ought to shame.
 
Unamused, dried to pain.
Chaos spikes a dull mind-frame.
 
Boredom has me on a chain.
Slaving to a world so tame.