Music Therapy – Tegan and Sara, “Not With You”

This song brings on strong emotions for me for some reason. Maybe you’ll get something out of it too.

“Not With You” – Tegan and Sara

I can’t believe I’ve let you in
And now here I am
Telling you that I’m suffocating in here
Just like the drugs you are keeping me
I felt shark teeth underneath my socks
Before I lost much blood

Around this world will I be enough?

From the liquor stores
To the train stop floors
Your filthy room your drama blues
I am nothing if I’m not with you
I’m always right always wrong
Dressing bad is like loving you
There is nothing I haven’t worn
Nothing I haven’t said before

Your fluid is thick against my sheets
When you look at me
Oh so angry I know it’s true
My strength has come from loving you
Behavior I just can’t grow into
So you fake and you flaw
For your cops and your cause
It makes no difference to me
It’s love that you stole, that you stole

From the liquor stores
To the train stop floors
Your filthy room your drama blues
I am nothing if I’m not with you
I’m always right always wrong
Dressing bad is like loving you
There is nothing I haven’t worn
Nothing I haven’t said before so here I am

Around this world will I be enough?

This is nothing I haven’t said before
You are nothing I haven’t felt before

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Human, By Christina Perri

I can hold my breath
I can bite my tongue
I can stay awake for days
If that’s what you want
Be your number one

I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part
If that’s what you ask
Give you all I am

I can do it
I can do it
I can do it

But I’m only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I’m only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
‘Cause I’m only human

I can turn it on
Be a good machine
I can hold the weight of worlds
If that’s what you need
Be your everything

I can do it
I can do it
I’ll get through it

But I’m only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I’m only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
‘Cause I’m only human

I’m only human
I’m only human
Just a little human

I can take so much
‘Till I’ve had enough

Cause I’m only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I’m only human
And I crash and i break down
your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
‘Cause I’m only human

Purge – a really intense poem

I check my pulse to see if I’m still living
In the spillway to the remnants of my thoughts.
I just might daydream about a daydream,
And harness a fantasy about the ones who came before
The ones who came before the ones who didn’t care.
 
I search my heart to see if I’m still yearning
For the roadway to the seedlings of my life.
I just might embrace feeling this feeling,
And open my soul to quench the thirstiest thirst
Of the thirsty firsts for the needs to which I bear.
 
I clean my mouth to see if I’m still tainted
In the airway to the speeches of my intention.
I just might mix poison with poison,
And demand an understanding as I visualize
The lies of the lies that I cried in despair.
 
I wrack my mind to discover the key
To a pathway of authentic ramification.
I just might abscond the chains of sanity,
And infect my cerebral gears that speared the fears
Of indifferent years I grew from what was spared.
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Today

Today
Today I feel like a star,
Today I’m more alive than ever.
This time I know I’ll get far,
It’s time to show them my clever.
Today my mind is sound,
Today I manipulate the waves.
Upon me is a new sense of found,
Clothe me in fragments that saved.
Today I dress up the world,
Today I invest in my heart.
I am no longer a tortured girl,
It is no longer backward from start.
Today my blood is hot,
Today I depend on my fire.
An action shows what you’ve got,
Reaction will lead to desire.
Today the sun bathes my skin,
Today electricity swallows my veins.
I thirst for the notion to begin,
I absorb these emotions, wild and strange.

zen waterfall

Crutch, a Poem About Bipolar Depression

Okay, the not so exciting part of Bipolar Disorder is that nagging feeling of depression. The downside of the pole. The dark cloud. You get my point. And because I’ve been dealing with it’s annoying existence, you get to hear about it. Haha. On that note, here is a poem I wrote describing my current state of mind, and how I feel stuck, but want to be free from it. Enjoy.

CRUTCH
Cut me up with that serrated tone,
Surviving multiple tricks and tangles
to leave a fragile core un-mangled.

Swallow me whole then spit me out,
I feel that destructive appetite
then savor that insatiable afterlight.

Take me in before it gets too cold
in my pretentious cell, so ripe.
The gradient dream is impossibly bright.

Drink me and my liquid darkness,
Saturated deflation once in vain.
Desire to evolve never the same.

Cradle me with a protective whisper.
Convince my thoughts to fade away.
Compulsive existence plays the break of day.

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