Your energy levels are high. Priorities and principles low. Attention causes your body to react. You have a sudden, hard hunger for human contact. Just about everyone in the place looks delicious. You feel as sexy as you look. And you’re ready to release your scent to the world.
Lingerie and Lithium: Flirting with Bipolar Hypersexuality
You make eye contact with a woman across the bar, smile flirtatiously, then nonchalantly meet one another in a bathroom stall where you go at it like ravishing lady beasts. It’s hot. It’s risky. It satisfies you. For the moment. Minutes later, your attractive friend sends you a simple text, “Hey Beautiful”, in which you respond how you couldn’t get his sexy self out of your head all day. He’s intrigued. You say you may have a little something for him when you see him tomorrow. You have a physiological reaction to the anticipation. Later that night, since you barely ever sleep, you are adorned in nothing but one of the new lacy numbers you treated yourself to the day before. You logon to your iPad and an old crush sends a late night message. You tell her how adorable she looks in her profile picture and how you really miss that face. Then you send her a seductive selfie in your lingerie. You don’t notice that she becomes awkward and says she has to go. You’re so turned on by the song on your manic playlist and still high from the attention, not to mention how incredible your cleavage looked that night. You take care of yourself and practice self love for an hour and a half. You own battery operated sex gadgets, but just need to feel the connection with your own fingertips, where you appreciate your silky lace T-string. You hit the video record button on the iPad, just to have on hand in case you ‘need’ it. At the very least, you’ll watch it yourself. You are so electrically charged that your world of sex consumes you.
This might seem extreme to many. This might seem slutty to most.
What if I said this was day three in a seven day manic spree? What if I said there were at least four other prospects in this tangled web of lust?
What if I said excessive drinking, very little need for sleep, extravagant shopping sprees, craving stimulation, grandiose thoughts, and copious amounts of energy are also present at this time?
What Exactly is Hypersexuality in Bipolar Disorder?
Hypersexuality is a clinical diagnosis used by mental healthcare researchers and providers to describe extremely frequent or suddenly increased sexual urges or sexual activity. People who suffer from bipolar disorder may often display tremendous swings in sex drive depending on their mood. As defined in the DSM-IV-TR, hypersexuality can be a symptom of hypomania or mania in bipolar disorder or schizoaffective disorder.
In other words, a person becomes overly horny. I know I get consumed by the thought of anything I remotely find to be sexual, that I force myself to take deep breaths and try to take a walk and cool down. I already have a pretty high libido normally, and I don’t shy away from risks. Oh and I should mention that I like a considerable amount of attention. These ingredients mixed with that hypersexual stage of mania can be a recipe for disaster.
Symptoms of Manic Hypersexuality
- Thinking obsessively about sex all day long.
- Feeling horny for no particular reason.
- Uncharacteristically having sex with both men and women.
- Not feeling in control over when and with whom to have sex with.
- Going out to the bar or social gathering every day to find hook-ups.
- Feeling overwhelmed by the urge of needing sex.
- Masturbating several times a day without the control to stop.
- Participating in group sex situations.
- Wearing uncharacteristically provocative clothing every day to any kind of location.
- Compulsively viewing a significant amount of porn movies, pornographic or sexy photos.
- When having sex, safe sex is hardly an option.
- Flirting with or trying to pick up your platonic friends.
- Excessive fantasizing about celebrities or crushes.
- Obsessing about exes or past flings and desiring a “last” hook-up.
- Every song you hear is interpreted as sexual, or else you only play sexy music.
Consequences of Manic Hypersexuality
- Cheating on your partner & possibly losing them.
- Susceptible to new and risky sex games.
- Vulnerable to people offering money or goods for sex.
- More susceptible to being offered jobs in the sex industry.
- Very sensitive to combining drugs and alcohol with sex.
- Feeling guilty for joining in on sex parties.
- Losing friends.
- Not being aware of any of the consequences your actions might have.
- Confused on the concept of right and wrong.
- Not being aware of possible sexual abuse.
- Losing complete track of time and place.
- Contracting sexually transmitted diseases.
- Risking to die of murder for being in dangerous environments.
- Needing years of therapy to cope with the guilt and shame later on.
- Finding it difficult to trust yourself or others again.
My Bipolar Boom Boom
Hypersexuality is something I have been plagued with. Or is it blessed with? I’m not going to lie, sometimes it’s hard to know. I love sex. I love lust. Anticipation. Flirting. The rapid heartbeat. Increased swelling and wetness in your skivvies. Yeah, I’m into all of it. I’m turned on just typing this. And I’m not even manic right now.
I discovered the idea of sexuality when I was very young. My parents watched the 80’s sitcom, “Three’s Company”, where the characters spoke nothing but cheesy lines and sexual innuendos. An articulate child, I picked up on the sexual energy of the show. Lacking the maturity to understand what I was indeed understanding, it sat in the back of my mind until I began interpreting radio songs, and insisting my mother watch daytime soap operas, so I could secretly observe the women with their hefty bosoms crammed into cheap looking lingerie.
In middle school, I got boobs before my friends. Feeling self conscious at first, I quickly discovered boobs get you places. And they get you attention. By seventh grade, I was wearing low cut tops and skin tight sweaters. In my mind I oozed sex appeal, and I liked it. I had many crushes, including the realization of my interest in females.
By my senior year of high school, I was exhibiting many bipolar symptoms, including full blown mania. Getting in trouble in school, running away from home, grandiose ideas, obsessions, and delusions were all forming. I was also exploring my interest in girls even more. I was infamous for going bra-less to school, or wearing little skirts with fishnet stockings. I felt sexy when I was on my periodic highs. (I also experienced a deal of depression in high school too.) I was experimenting with sexual fantasies, such as tying my girlfriend to my headboard, trying out sex toys, or sneaking lesbian erotica into choir class. I also masturbated ALL THE TIME.
By my 20’s, I was known for being wild. At various points I initiated group sex, attended fetish parties, and did erotic photography. I went into manic episodes often and my most severe, longest episode was when I was 22. I impulsively left my boyfriend of three years, quit my job, and cut my hair. I started hanging out with an ex girlfriend, with whom I immediately rekindled our old flame. Our usual chill spot was a local dive bar that eventually became my sanctuary. Shortly after, I reunited with another friend there, with whom I left girl 1 inside the bar so I could fuck this girl out in the car in the bar’s parking lot. I continued seeing girl 1 and girl 2 until girl 1 decided to get a girlfriend. She brought new girl up to the dive, and with very little effort, new girl went home with my number, met up the next day where we fucked for hours in the parking lot of a different bar, all the way until a police officer had to intervene. With little regard for girl 1, I now had myself girl 3, aka girl 1’s girlfriend. Because I was very manic, and not just horny, I suffered from psychosis as well. I truly had convictions that somebody put pheromone spray in the vents of the bar and were drugging all of us to the point of a mass turn on. Then again, I had other theories about cheese being the meaning of life, so my credibility is questionable there. Girl 3 and I hooked up in places other than cars. We got it on in the courtyard of the bar, at other people’s houses, bathroom stalls at clubs, Denny’s parking lot, and in most rooms of our homes. Girl 4 didn’t come until the end of that manic phase. An old high school crush I only got to make out with once at a party, I was thirsty for the opportunity to get in her pants. As if it wasn’t enough, when girls 1, 2, 3, 4 didn’t call me fast enough, I still occasionally got my rocks off with the ex boy. At this point I was exclusively with women, but I made the exception for function and familiarity.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because with five different sex partners- often two in the same day- I was still starving for sex. In what little spare time I had, I would masturbate at least once a day. Wait- I always say I don’t masturbate, I have sex with myself. I dressed sexy, but not slutty. Makeup was always done. And I mastered the art of playing it cool. I only listened to music one could fuck to.
I was the poster child for manic hypersexuality.
I was also living life in the fast lane. Drinking, cocaine, getting kicked out of my college of choice, and fighting with my family were all consequences. I would wake up in the morning, being spooned by one of the girls, but have no recollection of which one I went home with. In my hungover haze, I would look around the room and try to put the pieces together. I broke more than a few hearts and lost some friends. I could have contracted an STD. And yet, I chose to be unmedicated.
Now, in my 30’s, life has been a bit different because I’m married. (And very medicated!) While I still get the heavy urges, I constantly find desperate ways to pacify my sexual appetite. I won’t lie, I have real crushes and often find it difficult to resist temptation. I flirt with friends who I know are deemed “safe”. I masturbate religiously. I enjoy lesbian porn, sexy music, and wearing revealing clothes. I tend to take more selfies during this phase. And I write fiction where my characters can do as they please, like little pawns in my steamy world. To an extent, my wife knows how I am. She came into my life overlapping the tail end of girls 1,2,3, and 4. While I’ve come close to infidelity, I tend to teeter on the edge, then by some saving grace, I pull myself back onto the side where I belong. Then within a couple of weeks, the episode dissipates. During these times I feel reckless. And I behave selfishly. My wife and I have had many fights and she knows when I’m crossing boundaries. The problem is, I don’t always know my boundaries.
Taming the Wild Animal Inside
If you are experiencing many of these symptoms and consequences of hypersexuality, then there is a likeliness that you may have bipolar disorder. I recommend seeing a psychiatrist or even a therapist to get started. You most likely need medication to treat the chemical imbalance.
Please note: this is different from a sex addiction. Manic hypersexuality comes as a symptom of mania or hypomania in bipolar disorder. If you experience these symptoms for more than short periods at a time, or if you don’t resolve to a healthy state of mind once treated, please consider getting help for addiction, or a sexual function issue. Now, it is possible for someone with bipolar to become addicted to sex, just as any other addiction. But please research the differences. I won’t spew the DSM at you.
If you are aware of your triggers and you are going trough a tough manic stage, try taking a cold shower, going for a run alone, attending a family function, or anything that would be considered the least stimulating. Attending bipolar support groups are great too.
Another option for those of you who are married or involved, be open with your partner about your hypersexual waves, and make the most of them. Together, I mean. Play with fantasies and take advantage of frequency. In a trusting, loving environment this could be a positive experience. Any non-communication could lead to resentment later on, or the feeling that one was taken advantage of during a time of illness.
Balance > Mania (Even if it doesn’t always seem that way)
Too much of a good thing can be bad for your health in more ways than one. I shared my personal experiences on this topic to hopefully help educate about real symptoms affecting the lives of many. Bipolar mania has many symptoms and hypersexuality is just one. And pretty much after any manic episode, despite the symptoms, comes a crash. Energy is drained and sleepiness or depression may creep in. The sexy beast may be replaced with a lack of libido. Finding a way to balance episodes is imperative.
Please share feedback. I’d love to pick your brain!
Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll Mania. Bipolar Women and Hypersexuality
Personal experience & observation, along with undergrad studies
DSM-IV-TR & DSM V (Bipolar manic episode symptoms, hypersexuality)