You’re all crazy and I’m perfect. This mental superiority crept it’s way into my consciousness last night at my bipolar support group meeting. When I had the floor I shared nothing but positive events, all trickling from my new-found stability. I had a smile on my face while I talked about the classes I’m taking, while I mentioned that my job finally keeps me busy, and that I’m on a good cocktail of meds. I felt like I was bragging. I am currently the most stable I’ve been in over 6 months. This is a huge accomplishment and gives me even more motivation. I couldn’t help but notice that very few others shared my sense of wellness. There were tears during others’ stories. Some spoke of loneliness and depression. There is a possibility that I was indirectly making others feel badly about their own lack of stability. I’m not saying I feel guilty about being well, because I don’t. However, am I a stability snob? Have I reached a point where I can display the shining example of what everyone else wants to be?
I suppose some of this is tongue in cheek as I poke fun at my seemingly bratty attitude. I sit, attentively in my group, and I listen to recent hospital stories, medication failures, various struggles and despair, and I know I can most certainly relate to so much of what my group-mates are saying. The thing is- I don’t want to. Not right now. Right now I’m enjoying feeling good. I’m enjoying my social life, I’m ecstatic over having a baby, I am psychosis free and haven’t had any crying spells, I am able to sleep soundly at night, and I started driving on the express way again. Maybe I am overly eager to share my improved conditions. Maybe I am aware that I’m in a place, mentally, that others aim to reach. But I don’t think I’m being boastful or rude about it. I’m climbing my way to the top of the world one day at a time.