Hello, Antidepressants

My Bipolar depression forgot to do the laundry. And the dishes. And the cat litter. And the recycling. Again. Meanwhile, overanxious thoughts remind me to not starve the dog, to shower so I don’t repel others, and to basically get my ass out of bed. Let me welcome you into my neurotically depressed existence.

First I’ll start off by saying that this depressive bout has been going on for almost two months. I know I’ve written about it a little bit in past posts, and last week I finally talked to my psychiatrist. He prescribed me a healthy dose of happy in the form of a beige pill. Antidepressants. His directions were to start by taking half a tablet as to not induce a state of mania. Yeah right. No mania here. Not a chance.

The thing that got me is while I knew I really did need something, I also had the urge to pretend everything was fine. Like I didn’t need more drugs and I didn’t need to schedule another visit in such a near future. Why do we do that? Deny ourselves the truth of our disorder? Like every time we get assigned a new prescription, we’ve failed in our behavior somehow. Whether it’s rational or not, we still toy around with these notions.

So far, I’ve been taking my antidepressants for a week and I don’t feel any difference in my deflated mood. No cheer. No miracle. But no mania either so I suppose there is a bright side. Ironically, I have a degree in this subject so I know it can take 2-3 weeks to begin working. It’s difficult to apply these things to myself sometimes.

I’m just trying to get through each day and trying to have faith that this medication will help. I admit it is tough to keep track of so many pills and adding this one didn’t exactly lighten the load. I also know that is part of the deal sometimes. Until next time, I want to send well wishes to anyone out there currently dragging through some type of depression.

7 thoughts on “Hello, Antidepressants

  1. Oh, I’m so right there with you. Finally made a crisis appointment, was handed a new set of pills, and now I’m reeling from side effects – almost as bad as what made me go in to the doc!

    And yeah, pills that take two weeks to kick in do not really address the crisis situation very well. Especially if you’re rapid cycling – by now I typically would have been right-side-up again without the new drugs, but I’m worse off for the shock to the system. Argh.

  2. I’m in a rough place at the moment so I know exactly where you’re coming from and wanted to send you lots of warmth and support your way. You’ll get through this. We both will.

    • Thank you for your thoughtful words. It can be very tough but as long as we try to remain positive (to the best of our ability..) we will do alright. Take care of yourself & I hope things look up for you too.

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